


Storm

by Tantaylor



Category: Duran Duran
Genre: Anal Fingering, Blow Jobs, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-10
Updated: 2019-05-17
Packaged: 2020-02-29 15:52:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18781411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tantaylor/pseuds/Tantaylor
Summary: What a blizzard can do for you





	1. Chapter 1

Not for the first time that day I catch myself staring at him.  
He's changed, I think, not for the first time either.  
I consider myself a good connoisseur of human nature. Most of the time I can see what people try to hide, I recognize the real ego, so to speak.  
It may sound arrogant, but its simply the truth. I need that for the kind of sex I prefer. Some would call it sadomasochism, but I can't really identify myself with this leather and whip stuff.  
I just want everything from my sex partner. Everything he or she can give and more than they are willing to give. For that I have to realize how far I can go, how I can get someone to reveal his innermost self to me.  
Why do I think about sex now? I have to laugh and his gaze meets mine. His mouth corners twitch upwards, almost a smile, but he's too concentrated for more. When it comes to his drums he is a perfectionist.  
Since he's back he's fascinated and irritated me equally.  
I can't evaluate him, and that really doesn't happen to me often. There are still people who call him shy, but he's not. He has an admirable inner calm, an almost annoying serenity.  
I wonder if this man ever really freaks out. With anger, or, much better, with lust...  
Sex again! That really irritates me.  
I already had sex with men, men are exciting. Men are much more difficult to subdue than women, that is a special attraction for me. But that I recently think of him of all people, when I jerk off in a hotel room, is totally strange.  
Maybe it's the sexual energy he radiates when he drums, sweat and muscles, this tense and yet blissful facial expression. Maybe it's his calm, his everlasting friendliness, this contrast to the power and strength on stage.  
We were always buddies, even in the years he wasn't with Duran Duran we met from time to time, talked on the phone, wrote letters or mails, but everything stayed on the surface, we never went deep, we were never really good friends. Maybe it's time to change that.  
The opportunity to do so comes sooner than I thought.  
It^s the day before his 50th birthday and for whatever reason, the two of us are sitting in a rental car alone on the way to the airport. He drives, of course. I still don't have a driver's license. He also drives far too fast, which surprises me. it just doesn't suit his level-headed nature.  
"What's the rush? We have plenty of time." I can't change the fact that I sound like I feel. Just nervous.  
"Storm. These blizzards can get damn violent. I'd rather be in a stable building when it starts. We probably won't be able to fly anyway. »

That's the longest sentence he's said since we left, and it makes me realize I'm not the only one nervous.  
As if on command, snowfall sets in. Within minutes you can no longer see your hand in front of your eyes and the windscreen wipers have to give up. The wind shakes the car. That's really creepy.  
He brakes sharply, I jerk forward,even in my seat belt.  
„Fuck! What are you doing?“ I blurt.  
« There^s a Motel. We can't go on, Nick, it's suicide. And I don't know how you are, but I don't actually plan to die yet. »  
« That would be a shame. After all, it's your birthday tomorrow“

We smile at each other.

So we end up in the middle of nowhere in a rather shabby motel, a motel with only one free room left.  
We try to reach somebody, but the mobile network doesn't work anymore. Of course the landline doesn^t work either. After all, the minibar is well stocked and the motel boss assures us that he has enough food there, at least for 3 days.  
"What did he mean, at least for three days? Does that mean we're stuck here? Three fucking days?" I'm frustrated. The forces of nature frighten me. It can't be that such a stupid storm paralyzes everything, not in 2010!  
„Nobody knows how long it'll take. Maybe we can fly tomorrow. Just relax, we can't change it. Would you like something to drink?“  
His damn serenity makes me somehow aggressive. Every normal person would get angry, but he just smiles.  
„What actually has to happen for you to lose your annoying calm, Roger Taylor?“  
His grin's getting bigger.  
"So I'm annoying you already? That's a pity. I thought we could make ourselves comfortable here. Drink something. Let's talk. We haven't spoken in a long time, don't you think? Why actually? »  
"We talk to each other every day, Roger. For weeks. Every day.“  
„About music, yes .Band stuff and such.“  
He sits beside me on the bed. Close to me, so close that his thight is touching mine.  
« What's the matter with you lately, Nicholas?“ He looks at me, looks me straight in the eye and I see concern in his gaze.  
« What are you talking about? » I wonder.  
„Something's different. With you. With us. I don't know.“ He turns his face away. Is he just blushing?  
„Different? Different in what way?“

He closes his eyes,takes a deep breath and quietly says „You look at me differently. You look at me like...as if you...God, excuse me, that sounds totally stupid, just forget it."  
He moves a tiny bit , just so much that we don't touch each other anymore. What's going on? Is something happening or am I just starting to see ghosts?  
We'll be stuck here for a while. That could be dangerous for me.  
But maybe it's also a chance. I should just be honest, as far as I can. After all, he can't run away.  
Yes, maybe not now, but if I say or do something wrong, what happens at the end of the storm?  
At the end of the storm. That's poetic, isn't it? I have to laugh.  
"Again! You do that all the time. You look at me and then you laugh. Such a small, astonished laugh. As if you were wondering about yourself." He definitely blushed. And his smile...it's a little crooked, a little embarrassed, it's...sweet. For an almost 50yrs old fucking masculine lad it^s …god. Cute. Boyish.Cuuute!  
I almost stroked his hair, which, by the way, is perfect as always. How does he do that? He still looks like the illegitimate son of Marlon Brando and Elvis. I have to laugh again.  
"No, I rather wonder about you. You have changed a lot, you know that? » I say, still chuckling.  
« You think ? Well, I got older…and wiser, probably. That doesn't explain your laughter. And these looks!“ he shrugs and his blush deepens.  
Honesty wins, so I say: "I wonder who you are, Roger. You are so...you seem as if nothing is upsetting you. You are...please don't take this the wrong way! You are somehow...passionless. Except when you drum."  
"I'm passionless? » he sounds a little offended, and I put my hand on his shoulder.  
"I don't mean that negatively! But I wonder if you ever...if you ever let yourself go. Whether you ever scream when you're angry, throw things to the wall, whether you ever get angry at all, whether you ever get passionate. Maybe during sex.  
"You look at me and ask yourself if I throw things to the wall and am loud during sex? Yes, I do occasionally and yes, I am. Now that we've clarified that... I'm making myself a drink, what do you want? »

It's obviously a distraction. He runs away from me when he goes to the minibar. I made him insecure, I feel that. And unfortunately that awakens my hunting instinct. That's how I work, I can't help it.  
I want to hunt him down and kill him. In the figurative sense, of course.  
„Why did you and Giovanna break up?“ I want to know.  
„Maybe I was too passionless, Nick.“  
„ You said you wanted to talk. So, what are we talking about? The weather? The weather is shit. It's stormy and snowing. I can't maintain a relationship. I always want too much. I have the feeling that what I want doesn't exist. That's why I'm alone. Why are you alone after all this time?“

« What do you mean, you want too much? » He took the bait, and I made a decision. I will explain to him who I am. I hope it doesn't scare him.

« I have special affections, Roger. If you want, I'll tell you about it. But I really want to know what happened to you and Gio. »  
„Special affections? Such as?“  
"I'm addicted to feelings. I want to soak up every feeling in me that a human is capable of giving. Lust, of course. But also shame. Pain. I want everything. I want..."  
"The soul. Body and soul," Roger says quietly.  
"That's how you can put it, yes! By the way, it doesn't matter whether it's a man or a woman."

"That doesn't surprise me. But you only have relationships with women, don't you? " "I'll try to explain to you when you tell me why you got divorced. And could you please come back? It irritates me when you are so far away. Just bring me something, something with a lot of alcohol.

He sits down with me again, this time with very clear distance, and gives me a small bottle of whisky.

"Maybe" he starts "Maybe I was actually too passionless. I mean... I didn't put much effort into it. Gio was there and I assumed she would always be there. I don't think I was a good husband to her. I probably wasn't good in bed either, otherwise she probably wouldn't have cheated on me with her dance coach. I caught them both in bed. In our bed. In our house.You ask me why I always stay so calm? Because nothing can shock me anymore, Nick. Nothing can shock me more than my wife, sweating and screaming, with the ridiculously small cock of her so-called Trainer in her butt.“

„Fuck!“ I blurt and without thinking I pull him close and finally stroke his hair. „I^m sorry! I^m so sorry! I…I really didn^t mean it negatively when i said * passionless*, Roger!“  
„ How do you do it, Nick? How ...what do you do to get someone to give you everything? Can you help me? I want...since that happened I feel like...nothing touches me anymore. I am not me anymore. I want to be me again. Help me!“


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The drunk speak the truth

"We can talk, Roger. Talking helps." I'd like to show it to him, actually I haven't thought of anything else in weeks. But I'm not an asshole. I won't take advantage of his vulnerability.  
" You really think I'm passionless? I'm not. Or at least I don't want to be.So, you^re having sex with men, huh?“  
I still hold him close, stroking his hair, and it feels good, He even cuddles up against me a bit.  
„Occasionally, yes. It was never enough for more than that.“  
„Is that what you would have wanted? That it is more ? »

« Once. I was mightily in love. I thought I had finally found what I was looking for. But he preferred a woman. Well…“  
„So you took revenge.“ Dark eyes dart into mine. And what he said wasn^t a question. It^s a simple fact.  
« Revenge ? I don^t get it »  
« You threw him out. »  
« What the hell are you talking about ? »  
« Warren. Remember France, the Thank you-sessions ? I got drunk with Waz one night. He told me. He was blind drunk and I^m sure he can^t remember that he did, but he told me.“  
I stare at Roger in silence for a while. So he knows ? He knows that I am bisexual. He knows...what exactly does he know? What did Warren tell him?  
On the one hand I really want to know, on the other hand I don't want to talk about Warren. It still hurts. I thought with Warren I had found the fulfillment of all my dreams, but for him it was just sex. I was sort of an experiment, he never stood by me.   
"If you mean the reunion, that wasn't revenge. It wasn't even my idea, it was John^s, as you know! "  
I empty the little bottle with a sip and get up to get a new one.  
„ Did you love him, Nicholas?“  
„Yes. Can we please change the subject? »  
„Ok. It's still snowing.“  
We look at each other and laugh, both of us can't stop.  
All of a sudden, he gets up.   
"I'm going to take a shower“ With that, he disappears into the bathroom.  
Huh? What's going on now? Shower? Why does he want to shower now?   
For a short moment I think it might be an invitation. Maybe I should follow him. He didn't seem to be particularly horrified by the fact that I have sex with men. He was totally calm. As always. And didn't he ask me how I do it? How do I elicit all these feelings from people? Maybe I should just go after him and show him.  
What does he look like, naked? I have never seen him naked before. Topless, yes, many times. But that was back in the 80s.   
Great! Now I^m thinking about a naked Roger. No, I can^t get after him. I can^t. Why the hell did he just leave?   
I drink two more of those whisky bottles and make coffee. Slowly I feel pleasantly drunk. Outside the storm is raging, but in here it's really quite cosy. And Roger takes a shower. Naked. of course. Nobody is showering with clothes.   
"Hurry up" I shout. « I made coffee. »  
Roger is completely dressed when he comes out of the bathroom, which disappoints me somehow, I had hoped he would just wrap a towel around his hips.  
We spend the day slowly getting drunk and talking. We don't say a word about Warren or Giovanna. Instead we talk about what we always talk about. Music. Duran Duran.  
It's frustrating.   
At some point I get drunk enough to repress possible consequences. We lie next to each other on the bed without touching each other. Of course we are still dressed.  
"It doesn't seem to bother you," I say, interrupting a monologue about tomtoms. Or snares. I don't know exactly, I confess, I wasn't really listening.  
« Huh ? »  
« That i have sex with men. It doesn^t bother you.“  
„Should it?“ he grins  
„You^re trapped here with me. I could be coming at you.“ I point out  
„I am stronger than you. I could fend you off without any problems.“  
« That's true. But you are drunk. »  
« You are drunk too, Nicholas.“  
„Are you sure? Maybe I'm just pretending. Maybe I'll get you drunk and tie you to the bed.“  
„Like you did with Warren?“  
„Exactly. Warren was also stronger than me, that didn't help him much.“  
„I'd really like to know how you did it.“ He slurs a bit as he talks, apparently he^s more than just slightly drunk.  
„What, tied him to the bed?“  
« No. I mean...I just can't imagine it. How do you get someone to surrender? To be submissive? How do you get someone to do something he really doesn't want to do? »  
« You can't do that, Roger. That's not the point either. You can't get anyone to do something they really don't want to do."  
„I don't understand that.“  
„ The trick is to get someone to want it. It doesn't always work, but many people like to let themselves go. Give up control, don't have to think. Quite a few, however, already fail at the first hurdle. » I explain.  
« Which is what ? »  
« Honesty. Absolute honesty is harder than you think »  
« Nonsense ! What is hard about being honest ? »  
« Are you never ashamed of something you think or feel? Isn't it sometimes difficult to say things out loud? «   
« Nonsense. » he repeats.  
« Are you challenging me, Roger? So you think it's easy. Let's play a game. I'll ask you something, and whatever it is, you answer me. Honestly! No excuses, no stuttering, no * I don't want to talk about it.* I will ask you very intimate things, okay? And if you don't answer, you have to do something."

„That^s called truth or dare, Nick. »  
„Are you in?“  
„Yeah, why not. Go ahead!“  
„ When you caught Gio and that dancing coach in bed, did you want to kill any of them?“ I start right away.  
„Both of them. Slowly and painful.“  
„ Would you have been less angry if he hadn't fucked her in the ass?“  
„I don't think so. What really made me angry was that it happened in our bed. In our home. They could have at least gone to a hotel. »  
« Have you ever done it ? »  
« Have I done what ? »  
« Fucked her ass. »   
« Nope. »  
« Why not ? »  
« I never wanted to do this.“  
„Why not?“  
„Because I was afraid to hurt her.“  
Goodness. He^s really cute. Cute and honest.  
„This guy obviously wasn't afraid of that.“   
„I wouldn't have been afraid either if I had a ridiculously small cock like that.“ he snorts.  
I have to laugh.  
„Does it make you proud, Roger?“  
« Huh ? »  
« That you have a big dick. Does it make you proud ? »  
« How do you know I have a big dick? "  
« There are rumors about it! » I can't get the grin out of my face.  
"They don't have to be right. « he mumbles and blushes.  
« How big is it?“  
« How should I know? Do you think I have measured? Anyway, it is bigger than that of this assfucker! I swear, it wasn't even as big as my thumb.“  
„There is nothing bad about being an assfucker, Roger!“  
„if this ass belongs to my wife, it is!“  
« Good point. »  
« Hmhm. Is there any more alcohol left ?   
„No, I mean, there is, but i think you had enough!“  
„Who are you? My mom? «   
« If you want a drink, show me your cock ! » I grin. I^m just joking, really. I don^t think he…what?  
„What are you doing?“   
He actually opens his pants. Goodness!  
"Roger, don't do that. It was just a joke! You're drunk.“  
He starts giggling. "Oh man, that's true! I'm really drunk! I'm a drunk old dick! Fuck, Nick! I should rather sleep, otherwise...“  
We look at each other. His gaze is a little glassy. He grins crookedly. Fuck ! I want to kiss him ! He’s really incredibly cute.  
« I would have shown it to you. » he wiggles his brows and makes me laugh again.  
« Show it to me tomorrow when you are sober and still want to. »  
« We have to play again tomorrow, okay? I'll prove to you that I'm honest, Nick. I will prove to you that it is not difficult to be honest! »  
"That's what we do, Roger." I hope it doesn't stop snowing. I really want to stay here.  
With him.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *Are you hypnotizing me or something?*

He falls asleep within seconds, as he lies there, completely dressed.  
What a weird situation. At least i can look at him closely now and I do.  
I have never noticed how long and thick his eyelashes are, how gently his lips are curved. Beautiful, sensitive lips.  
If only he had less on!   
I don't dare to move, to destroy this strange closeness. I don't think I've ever been this close to him before.

He begins to snore and i have to grin.  
Does he really remember our little game when he wakes up? Does he really want to go on?  
And if so, where should that lead?  
Why does it seem so important to him to prove his honesty to me? He doesn't have to! I know that he is an honest man.   
Goodness, he really irritates me a lot.  
Why did he run away to the shower ?   
Jeeez, he would have shown me his cock!   
Warren's hushing into my head.  
I wonder what he told Roger.   
Maybe I should ask him about that. Roger, not Warren, of course.   
I^m drifting slowly into dreamland and the last image i^m thinking of is a pair of mahogany eyes framed by thick long lashes.

I^m alone when i wake up and a wave of panic rushes over me. Where is he gone?   
He can^t go out in this storm! The world is going under in front of the windows, what made him leave?  
Goodness.   
Me.  
Was it me?  
Did I scare him?  
While my thoughts are hectically turning in circles, Roger rumbles into the room, bringing cold air and snow in.  
"Holy shit, I swear, I won't leave this room again until this fucking snow...oh, good morning! Excuse me, I woke you. I got us some food. And wine. Just the way to Bobby at the reception was hell!"  
I stare at him.  
„Everything all right, Nicholas?" he asks worriedly.  
« I thought, you...oh, it's not important. I make coffee!“  
I am so relieved that I could scream. which is totally silly and exaggerated. Where should he have gone in this weather? Why does he panic me so much? I have to keep busy, sort myself out. I never lose control, never! I am the controller!   
My hands tremble as I put the coffee powder in the filter. I breathe deeply a few times before I turn back to Roger and almost gasp.  
For the first time in over 20 years Roger Taylor stands topless in front of me.And hell, that^s really a very nice sight! The man's 50, for fuck's sake, how can he be so damn well in shape? He is 50!  
Fifty? Wait a minute!  
„I beg your forgiveness! It's your birthday! I should have gone out there and got the food! I should have made you breakfast! I'm sorry you're trapped here with me on your birthday!"

"Don't be sorry about that. I think it's actually quite nice here with you. » he winks at me.  
„Who^s Bobby?“ Yeah, I'm distracting. I don't give a shit who Bobby is.  
Roger makes me nervous, and that annoys me. Nobody makes me nervous. I'm the one who makes others nervous. I'm the controller.  
But damn it, I just can't figure this man out! Yesterday he almost showed me his cock, today he undresses in front of me. Ok, just the shirt. but still! He winks at me, it's called flirting what he's doing, isn't it?  
„The owner. Robert *friends are calling me Bobby* Wilson. I still have problems to understand the american accent.“  
„So Bobby and you are friends now, huh?“ Goodness, I talk such nonsense!  
He hooks a thumb in a belt loop of his jeans and tries his hand at that broad american slang "We're all friends in a storm, dude!"  
Again he makes me laugh. "I don't suppose your new friend Bobby baked you a birthday cake, has he? "  
"No. I'm afraid not. But my friend Bobby brought me a few bottles of champagne to celebrate the day. And muffins. Not bad, is it?"

Together we unpack the bags he brought with him. Bread, peanut butter, grape jelly, a lot of microwave dishes, cookies, some fruit and a lot of alcohol.  
Then we sit opposite each other at the small table and toast with champagne. Roger is still without a shirt and I can hardly turn my eyes away.  
"Sorry about yesterday, I guess I had a little too much to drink! " He looks at the glass in his hand and chuckles quietly.  
„Never mind. Me too. I guess in light of the situation, we can get drunk, right?“  
„That's true! Still, I behaved pretty stupid.“  
„No, you didn't. You were only very honest, there is nothing stupid about it.“  
„ Does it happen to you often that drunken men want to show you their dicks? he grins.  
„Constantly!“ I nod chuckling.   
„Well then! You're the first person I ever told about Giovanna. Actually, I'm over it. I'm probably just sentimental or something. I imagined my fiftieth somehow differently. With her on my side. But what the hell, it's been five years."  
"Is she with this dance trainer?"   
"No. I guess it was just an affair."  
"Why didn't you reconcile again? "  
"Because I have my principles, Nick. As I said, if they had gone to a hotel...if I hadn't seen it, if...shit, yes, I wasn't completely honest. It actually made me angry that she did something with another man that she never did with me. And while we're on the subject: I'm afraid you're right. I don't throw things against the wall. No idea why I told you yesterday I would do that. I'm actually not very passionate. In no way. That's why I was so surprised when I first noticed the way you looked at me. I hope this honesty thing also goes in the other direction. I need to know because it's been on my mind for weeks: Do I imagine it or not? You look at me like... like you want me.“  
« That^s right » I say quietly.  
Now there is no going back. We are trapped here, we cannot leave and the whole thing will end in disaster.  
But I am not lying. I demand honesty and I give it back.  
He just nods and reaches for the champagne bottle to fill our glasses again.  
"I once kissed a man. Well, he actually kissed me...does that count? "  
"Really? Someone I know?" I struggle for composure.   
" You can say that! Mr Cuccurullo. Back then, in France. But he was totally drunk and probably he was only angry at himself because he liked this submission stuff and didn't really want it to be true. Didn't quite fit into his supermasculine world view. That's why you had to tie him up, isn't it? He needed the feeling of not being able to defend himself, otherwise he probably wouldn't have let it happen. He needed the compulsion, right? He didn't admit it, but it was kind of logical. I don't like him, Nick. I never liked him. He may be a brilliant guitarist, but he hides behind all the pumped up muscles. He's afraid of himself. You can't be honest with others if you're not even honest with yourself, can you? Don't mourn him, he doesn't deserve you at all!"   
I stare at him wordlessly. He stares back. The air between us begins to burn.  
„For someone who has no idea, you put it damn well, I think.“ Heavens! Still waters are deep, they say. Then this man is the Mariana Trench!  
I urgently need control back here!   
"Why did you suddenly disappear under the shower yesterday?“ I blurt out, just to say something.  
« Because ..I was afraid.“  
„Of what? "  
„Of you! No…wait, of myself, rather. I think i finally understood what Warren was talking about.You are…intense.“  
I^m intense? Aha. And now? What is that supposed to mean? It^s my turn to be honest , I guess.  
"Roger, listen, I don't know what's happening right now. I'm confused. it doesn't happen to me often, but you've been confusing me since you came back in 2001. it's driving me crazy! What do you want from me? »  
"I don't know exactly. You also confuse me. I...I think I have to confess something to you. I...after Warren told me all this I saw you with other eyes. I was curious. I watched you."

I know exactly what he is talking about. During the time in France Waz and I had sex only once. Because Warren was actually too scared, somebody might notice. Someone might notice that he likes to be dominated.

I did everything I could to make him scream, I wanted him to show me who he was. I wanted everyone to hear it. And I did that. And Roger watched.Fuck! 

« I... did you know that Simon asked me to come back? « he whispers.  
« Of course. We all wanted you to come back.“  
„I didn't come back because...what I saw...I was...I liked it. I liked YOU. And that scared me. I was married, and I...I never thought that...oh god, you're right, it's really damn hard to be honest! I never forgot, Nick. In the 16 years since I watched you, there hasn't been a single day that I haven't thought about it. And now...“  
„Now you^re divorced. We^re alone. See, Roger, I would lie if I said I wouldn't want that, I wouldn't want you. To be honest, I haven't been able to think of much else for weeks. I know you're not well, you're still sad because of Gio. You said you wanted to be able to feel yourself again. I would manage that. You would feel every single cell of your body, for sure.  
But what happens afterwards, Roger? What happens to us? What about Duran Duran?"  
"I don't know," he says quietly, "I'm 50, Nick. my life didn't work out the way I wanted it to. If I want to take another path, I should do it quickly, right? And how should I know if it's the right way to go if I've never gone it? I don't believe in God nor am I particularly esoteric, but maybe...maybe it means something that we both ended up here. I'm attracted to you, Nick. I'm always looking for your closeness. I don't know if I'm in love...it feels strange...anyway, there^s something!“  
Something. Indeed.  
I want this man! Fuck the consequences! Probably it won't work anyway. After all, he's not gay, not even bisexual, he'll find out that he's fallen for something that doesn't feel the way he thought in reality. He won't like it. We will laugh together and open another bottle of champagne.  
Yes, exactly.   
That's how it's going to be.   
I will frighten him, he will not participate in what I want and everything will be the same as before. Back to normal.  
But I have to try. I have to!  
„You^re sober now, aren^t you?“ I smile warmly at him and he blinks, slightly irritated.  
„Quite!“ he shrugs, pointing at the half empty bottle.   
« Then you can show it to me now. Get up!“  
I look at him as he understands what I am talking about and he reacts fantastically.  
His eyebrows lift briefly, his pupils dilate, the wet tip of his tongue nervously moves over a slightly trembling upper lip.  
That's why I love this game! Emotions! So visible, so honest.  
„What?“ His voice is barely to hear and he looks at me so amazed and insecure that I almost laughed. Looks like it's over before it started. He won't do it.  
„Get up, pull your pants down and show me your dick! » I say anyway.  
He frows, opens his mouth. Closes it again. And then…he gets up.  
The hot, viscous lava that flows through my veins instead of blood rushes southwards.  
He pulls his jeans down, quickly and without hesitation, as if he was afraid to lose courage if he^d do it slowly.  
He looks me straight in the face, challenging and somehow defiant, although his cheeks are covered with a tender redness.   
My god! He is beautiful!   
My gaze wanders provocatively slowly from his face downwards.  
Heavens, does this man know how incredibly attractive he is?   
My goodness, he is shaved, that surprises me. Freshly shaved. That can only mean...  
"Did you do that under the shower yesterday, Roger? Did Warren tell you then that I like that? "  
"Yes. I..."  
"Do you always shave? "  
"No."  
"You did this for me, didn't you?"   
His face is glowing now. He avoids my gaze when he nods silently.  
"You really want this! "I notice in amazement   
Another nod, a quick, shy look under long eyelashes. I can see his heart beating. A pulsating vein at his neck... He shivers slightly. And then his cock begins to swell.   
I watch with fascination as this really impressive organ fills with blood, how it flinches, first slowly and sluggishly, then faster and faster until it has grown to full size. Roger seems equally fascinated. He shakes his head in disbelief. „What are you doing? Are you hypnotizing me or something?“ he blurts.  
I'm afraid I have to laugh. So does he.  
That is completely crazy! My dominance game will never work like this.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *Can you imagine that?*

„Roger, I…I slept in my clothes and I ..have a shower with me!“  
His smile melts my heart. „I would love that!“  
He bends to take his shoes off and steps out of his jeans.  
I still sit there, staring at him.  
„ You know you generally shower naked, right? Should I help you?“  
He takes a step towards me and I slowly get up. Does that really happen?   
„For the fact that you never had anything with a man, you are very self-confident.“ I wonder.

„It just looks that way. But I would really like to see you naked. May I? „

Slowly he unbuttons my shirt and I hardly dare to breathe. The feeling of his rough, calloused hands on my skin sends shivers down my spine.  
« Are you cold? » he whispers.  
« No. I'm burning. »  
Without thinking I pull him to me. He still has an erection, rubbing against the fabric of my trousers. It is over with my self-control. I wanted to be dominant, that didn't work, I wanted to be gentle, that doesn't work either. Hard and demanding I press my lips on his, almost expecting him to back off, but he does not. He lets me in.  
As if he had never done anything but kiss men. Kissing me.   
It feels like coming home.  
« Fuck, Roger! » I pant in his wonderful mouth. It's delicious. I never want to stop. My hands find his firm bottom and I press him even closer to me.  
My pants are in the way. Damn, I want to feel him! Without fabric in between. He seems to have thought the same thing, his hands are sliding into my waistband and he is pushing me a bit away from himself so he can open my pants.  
Almost violently he pulls them down to my knees... Together with the underpants... I moan, equally surprised and excited when he reaches for my cock without hesitation.  
All this time our tongues in his mouth have fought a wild fight, greedy and horny.  
Now I interrupt the kiss, even if I don^t want to.  
I have to see it. I have to see that it's really his hand, his fist into which I push my throbbing prick.  
„ Is that good?“ he asks uncertainly. Our eyes meet.  
"Fuck, Roger!"  
My vocabulary seems to be very limited recently.  
"That is...perfect. Wonderful. Horny. Choose something! And do you know how it gets even better?“ Without looking away from his face I reach for his cock as well.  
He bites his lower lip and makes a hissing sound.  
A part of me still thinks that he screams *stop* now and everything is over.   
But he doesn't. He looks at me with big brown eyes, beautiful eyes full of lust and astonishment.  
"Oh" he speaks quietly. "Oh, Nick!"  
I love it! I love how he says my name! And I want him to scream it today. And tomorrow. And the day after tomorrow...  
I lean against his broad shoulder, breathe in his smell and so we stand there and wank each other. Nothing special actually, but it's like I said. it's perfect. I can't believe he's never touched another man before. It's so easy, so uncomplicated, without all that dominance stuff. I'm simply overwhelmed by this closeness and simplicity. How does he do it? What is he doing to me? How can he do this perfect rhythm..oh fuck, I have to laugh! Rhythm. Of course.   
« Your strange habit of giggling all the time in my presence is a bit irritating, especially right now! » His voice sounds hoarse and full of desire.  
« I was just thinking how perfect your rhythm is! »  
He laughs quietly. » Really? I can go faster too. Or slower! «   
„Oooh! Faster! Definitely faster!“ I moan and then I explode. Just like that. My hot cum splashes over Roger's fingers ,   
against his belly and he watches, watches my juices run over his skin . No retreat, no disgust ... in his gaze is only pure, honest fascination.  
„That is fucking...oh God...that is hot! Oh...I..." His hips push forward, his dick in my hand seems to get even harder. He throws his head back and screams, a long, throaty an very loud *Yeeeeeees*  
My turn to watch now. His orgasm doesn't seem to stop any more, again and again warm cum shoots on my skin in long thick splashes. I think I've never seen anything so horny before. After a felt eternity he leans trembling against me, flings his arms around my hips and wheezes : " Holy shit! I...ah, can we...can we please skip the shower? I mean, if all the sticky stuff didn't bother you...I would...I would like to go to bed with you and hold you, yeah?"  
This is to die for! Actually, I've known it for a long time, I just didn't want it to be true. I have fallen in love. I hate to be in love. It makes me vulnerable and fragile, it takes away the control that is so important to me. Love hurts. Love makes me weak.  
But it also makes me happy. Unimaginably happy.   
« I love...I love the sticky stuff on me, your sticky stuff. »I say quietly and swallow hard. I almost told him. I love you. Suddenly I'm afraid of the morning, afraid of the moment when the storm is over.  
We cuddle up under the blanket and I devoutly rumple his hair, which is for once not even near to perfect. He holds me tight, really tight in his arms. It feels wonderful.  
We remain silent for a long time. It is not unpleasant, on the contrary.  
« I hope you are not disappointed . » I finally say quietly.  
« Disappointed? Why should I? »  
« If you've been thinking all along about what happened between Waz and me, then..“  
„I am not Warren, Nicholas! I find it all very exciting, but I ... it's perfectly ok to take it slow, don't you think? Besides... I hope the storm won^t be over so soon.“  
„ I hope so, too!“

We kiss, very long and very tender. I have never treated a man so gently. It was always about power, about superiority.  
„Nick?“  
„Hm?"  
„That's a great birthday, thank you.“  
„I have to thank you!“  
At some point I get up to open a second bottle of champagne.   
Thanks, Bobby, I think.  
It's not even noon yet and I'm looking forward to the rest of the day.  
We're touching each other all the time, kissing and stroking each other as we talk about everything but music or how we're going to go on when the storm is over.  
I tell him about Tatjana and her new job as a film editor, he talks about what his three do. We talk about favorite movies and favorite books, about hobbies and dislikes.  
We couldn't be more different, we really don't have much in common. But that doesn't matter at all. I'm happy about his enthusiasm for his favourite football club, he listens attentively to my experiences at the last art exhibition I visited. It's like we're only getting to know each other now, after all these years. We empty the champagne and laugh a lot.  
When Roger comes back from the toilet, the mood suddenly changes. His sight, naked, with messed-up hair , dried cum on his belly… it makes me hard. It reminds me of the plan to make him scream out my name. He watched Waz and me, he said he thought about that all the time. He was on all fours, Warren, his wrists cuffed to the head end of the bed. I hit him. With the flat hand until his butt glowed red. Until he begged me to fuck him. I did that with one, two and finally four fingers, while I tortured his nipples with the other hand. I was telling him all the time how much I care that he's so horny and greedy that I love to have him on his knees in front of me. the thought that Roger watched, that he liked it...does that mean he's ready for it?  
Nonsense! No. Not yet, that's too much! But maybe there won't be a next time. Maybe this is over as soon as we can leave the motel.  
"What are you thinking about?" asks Roger as he crawls into bed next to me.  
« I was just wondering how much you saw back then in France.“  
That may not be the whole truth, but at least it's not a lie.  
„Everything, I think. I had the room above you and climbed down on your balcony. It was pretty cold. »  
« Why did you do that? »  
« Because...honestly, I thought Warren lied to me. I was curious, yes, but mainly I thought he wanted to show off or something. What doesn't make any sense at all, strikes me now. Then he would probably have told me how he fucked you, not the other way around. Whatever, I wanted to know if he said the truth, what he obviously did.“  
„ And you liked it?“  
„I probably would have liked it better if it hadn't been Warren. It was surprising that you liked men, but he of all people...why him?“  
„Do you really want to know that?“  
„Otherwise I wouldn't ask.“  
„I think I'm pretty good at recognizing people. To see what they really are. And like you said yourself, he's hiding. First I just wanted to find out if I was right, then..."  
„Then you fell in love“  
„Yes. was not planned.“ I shrug.   
„As if you could plan that. He was in love with you too, by the way. He was only a coward. He didn't want to be gay and he didn't want to be weak...that's how he put it. To be weak. Such nonsense! Devotion is not a weakness!“  
„ You think?“  
„Yeah. I don't think many people can do that.“  
„Can you do it?“ It comes out without thinking and I get a little scared. I can't take it back anymore.  
Now I have to deal with the answe,r however it turns out.  
« You want honesty, and honestly, I have to tell you I don't know. I never had a chance to find out. I find the thought exciting, but if I really can, I don't know. I think just letting yourself go is quite difficult. For me at least. I am so much brain-driven... Stubborn taurus. I'd really like to find out, though. I already asked you yesterday to show it to me. But you will have to tie me down, I tend to escape when I can't control the situation. I am actually a control freak. Someone once told me I was passionless. Can you imagine that?“


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *Let me in!*

Despite a certain irony, his words are unbelievably objective. Indeed, somehow passionless. That doesn't match what happened between us before. Fuck, he deeply irritates me!

« One could think you're talking about the weather! No wonder your damn serenity is driving me crazy! » I laugh. And I don't feel like laughing at all. His behavior just presses all possible buttons in me. Is it really only honesty? Maybe a little naivety. But maybe it's provocation. Does he want to challenge me? Didn't he do that yesterday, challenge me? .  
He makes me insecure. Besides, I'm still afraid of what will happen after the storm.  
If we both can't look at each other anymore, can't deal with each other anymore, what happens to the band?  
Falling in love with a fellow band member isn't really smart, as the experience with Warren shows.  
On the other hand...it's already too late, isn't it?  
Roger is naked next to me and I haven't been that hard since I was 20.  
Oh, wait a minute…Quickly I pull the blanket away from him and lo and behold, I'm not the only one here with an erection!  
Again this tender reddening spreads on his cheeks, which I find very lovely. There's that defiant look too  
Warren may have hidden behind his muscles, Roger hides behind his composure. This calmness is a shield, I just realized.  
Nothing really touches me anymore, he said. Because nothing gets through this shield, through this armour of annoying serenity.  
"I was wrong!“ I say quietly."“There is no inner peace at all.“  
„No, it is not.“ he nods.“ It is more...“  
„A shield"  
„It feels more like a wall.“  
„I understand. You don't come out anymore and nobody comes in to you anymore. Since when is it like that?“  
„I don^t know. Since forever, i guess. It used to have doors and ladders, my wall. But since Giovanna ..."  
I interrupt him with a hard, demanding kiss. This time he is locked up like an oyster. But I now recognize it for what it is. He wants to be conquered.  
„Let me in!“ I growl and bite into his lower lip. He grabs my hips and pulls me onto his body, his strong fingers digging painfully into my buttocks.  
»Let ! Me! In ! » I repeat, locking my eyes with his.  
If someone had asked me yesterday to describe Roger's eyes, I would have said they are warm and gentle. I would have said the eyes are like the man in whose head they belong. Friendly, calm, soft. But now they're like the storm outside. Wild as the stormy sea above the fucking Mariana Trench.  
« Stop fighting back! This is ridiculous. Your cock is rock-hard and my cum sticks to you ! it^s too late for a backdown. » Finally his lips open, his wild gaze is still on me.  
„Good boy! It wasn't that hard, was it?“ I whisper into his hot mouth, but instead of my tongue I push two fingers past his lips. I can't look at him when I kiss him and I have to look at him.  
"Suck! "I command. Roger makes a wonderful little noise and his eyes fall shut. It feels divine as his tongue slides between my fingers.  
Goodness, i wish he^d lick my cock like that! But he won't be ready for it. Not yet.  
We have time.  
I still lie on top of him and now I push my knee between his legs, forcing him to spread them for me, which he willingly does. Without turning my eyes away, my other hand wanders to his hard, throbbing cock. Again this beautiful noise. My fingers in his mouth begin to imitate fuck movements, slowly, in and out, in and out, my fist closes around his shaft at the same time. He moans softly, pushes into my hand.  
« Lie still! » My tongue finds one of his nipples and I have to grin as I notice that it is as hard as his cock. His body doesn't seem to care about that wall.  
So far the whole thing is quite simple, easier than I thought, almost disappointingly simple.  
When he pushes again demandingly into my hand, I take the tasty little knob between my teeth and he understands immediately, keeping perfectly still.  
„Open your eyes, Roger. Look. I want you to look closely at what I'm doing now!"  
I pull my fingers out of his mouth, it makes a sizzling, rich noise, I like that noise.It sounds nasty.  
„ I'm getting inside you now, Roger. I don't care about your wall, do you hear? "  
"No!" he gasps in horror as he realizes what I'm about to do.  
"What, no? You would have liked to do that with your wife, but you don't want it yourself? That is quite a hypocrisy, don't you think?“  
« I don't want this! » he blurts.  
« Coward! It's just a finger, Roger. It doesn't hurt! »  
I bend over the tip of his cock and blow gently.  
„Aaaah! Keep your hands off my butt, Nick! I don't want that, got it?“  
„ As you wish, you coward! » Quickly I let my tongue flicker against his gleaming glans.  
Heavens! He tastes delicious!  
« Oh, God! Oooooh, God! Please! » he moans and looks at me with lustful eyes.  
« Oh? So that's okay with you, huh? But that's not how it works, my friend! I'm not your fucking servant!“  
Arrogantly smiling I rub the delicious drops of pleasure all over his dick.  
« You're pretty horny, aren't you? I'd really like to suck your dick, and believe me, I'm good at that. But I definitely have more fun with a finger in you, in your tight virgin ass. No finger, no blow job, it's that simple! Give and take, yeah?“  
« You lousy.. »  
« What? Are you going to insult me now? You know what? I've got handcuffs with me. I could tie you to the bed, just like you wanted, Then I could use you as I want. Or I'll watch what comes on TV and just leave you there with your lust! »  
That is of course total nonsense. First, I don't have any handcuffs, second, he's still stronger than me and could easily defend himself against me.  
But he doesn't even think about it. Lust prevents logical thinking. He claimed he was brain-driven, but right now his dick is in charge.  
He'd like to surrender. He wants to be defeated.  
And I will defeat him, this stubborn taurus, this brain-controlled wonderful man.  
Behind his wall a volcano is bubbling, eager to erupt.  
Why else is he still lying there, although I would drop dead if looks could kill?  
I begin to wank him again slowly, very slowly, with not much pressure, and I know that it is not enough.  
Again he pushes impatiently into my fist.  
„Fuck, Nick!"  
„That would be great! I'd really like to fuck you, and I'm not talking about fingers here. Unfortunately I have neither condoms nor lubricants. »  
"Stop it, Nick! " he hisses.  
"Whatever you say!"  
I let go of his twitching cock. A cigarette would be great now, because of the effect. I could lean back relaxed and blow the smoke into his face with a grin on my face. But I don't smoke anymore. So that grin must be enough.  
„God damn it, stop playing these stupid games !" he yells at me.  
That's good. He screams. Finally.  
I grin even wider.  
"Maybe you want to throw something at the wall now, Roger, yeah?"  
"You know what, Nick? You are not dominant at all! You're just arrogant and conceited. You're a vain little faggot!"  
I grab his hair in a flash, pull his head back painfully.  
Now comes the dangerous part and if it goes wrong, I have a big problem.  
I hit him hard in the face with my free hand.  
"You angry little coward' I say quietly. „you lying, wrathful little coward¨“  
Please don't let it go wrong! Please!  
« You tried to prove to me that you were honest, but you're just a selfish son of a bitch, Roger! Just take, don't give! I can do that too¨ » I speak very clearly and calmly even though my heart is racing. Now it will matter. Will he give up or will he attack me? I've got his anger, am I getting his craving now?  
I reach for his cock, which is still hard, and I don't let go of his hair.  
Relieved I feel the wetness pouring out of his slit. Thank God, I was not mistaken!  
He looks at me with big eyes, motionless. it would be easy for him to push me away, to overwhelm me, but he just stares.  
I rub my thumb over the dripping slit.  
"Let me in!"  
Without resistance he spreads his legs, literally opens up.  
"That's good! You're doing great. Relax. No, look at me, please, don't close your eyes! God, you are so beautiful! You are beautiful when you give yourself, Roger! "  
He shrugs when I enter him. Tears gather in his eyes.  
I know it's not pain, I'm very careful.  
He lets go. Letting go can be overwhelming.  
Gently I kiss his trembling chest, his wonderfully muscular belly, let his delicious cock slide deep into my mouth.My thumb finds that magical spot inside him.  
Roger sobs, his whole body bends towards me. Then he begins to scream without restraint. Loud, lustful, desperate, he shouts my name over and over again. His semen fills my mouth.

 

April 26th, 2011  
"What happened next?" John wants to know.  
We are waiting for the birthday boy and I just told him what happened last year on that day.  
"When we woke up, the storm was over. I was so scared! We had never talked about how it would go on, after the storm, if it would go on at all with us. I had no idea if we were a couple or...here comes Rog!".  
"I ‘m home! Nick? You won't believe who sent me a gift!"  
I smile at the sound of his voice.  
„We are in the living room. Guess who is there!“  
„I bet it's Nigel!"  
Roger appears in the door frame, and his sight warms my heart. My beloved little coward, who has courageously changed his whole life for me.  
Tatjana loves him idolatrously.  
His boys still have their problems with a father who is suddenly gay, but we talk a lot and everything will be fine. They just need time.  
Ellea accepted me immediately.  
A year ago, when we woke up and realized that the sun was shining through the window, he just took me in his arms and said. " I never want to be without you again. "  
We haven't spent a single night apart the following year until today.  
„Happy birthday“ I smile when I pull him close.  
„Happy anniversary. Bobby sent champagne!“


End file.
